Mom-Shaming: Publicly judging a mother for her parenting choices because they differ from the choices you would make.
I recently came across a feed on one of my Facebook blogging groups where a mom was genuinely asking for some advice, coming from a very sweet intent, when other moms jumped in and verbally shamed her. At first their comments weren’t overly direct, just disagreeing with Mom A’s approach. But when other moms came to her rescue, it became a battle. It was back and forth, and it was not pretty.
The mom asking for advice got nothing helpful out of that conversation, but I am sure her Facebook notifications were jumping around like crazy every time another emotional comment was posted.
And you know what? That did nothing to help her. The poor woman was left still wondering what to do. And it did nothing to motivate her.
All it did was create undue stress on multiple moms who were fighting the battle one way or another. And even for me, just a visitor to the fight, it created such an impression that I had to write a post on it…
(And I’m not the only one posting against mom-shaming, check out a wonderful post by Stacey at The Soccer Mom Blog)
What Can I Do?
I’d love to say I have a magical solution for when you see or are involved in a comment battle on social media, but I really don’t.
If there are multiple moms who are engaged in the post, then even one uplifting comment from you might (a) get lost in the sea of negative ones, (b) be cause for more ridicule, which you don’t need, or (c) add fuel to the fire to continue the battle.
(It’s worth level setting with this because so many well-intentioned moms add their comment to try to help. It’s like a digital war, so adding your bullet to the barage of flying ammunition might not be helpful.)
But, there are a couple more passive solutions you can try…
The Noble Approach
- If the post is yours, and you know the comments are hurtful, hopefully you can disable further comments or delete really hurtful ones.
- If the post is someone elses, and you believe they may be suffering during the battle, you can always try to shoot them a personal message. Brief and positive are the key here.
But wouldn’t it be perfect if we could avoid more of these scenarios entirely?
We need to rise above the controversy and protect our kind.
Here’s What You Need to Remember
To add a bit of irony – It’s just like the old advice your mom gave you, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
Simply put, if you disagree with another mom’s choices (assuming there is no actual true harm involved) then keep it to yourself.
At the end of the day, we all (and I mean all) of us do what we need to for our families. And just like every family is different, every kiddo is different too. We need to just trust that the mom who spends her time and energy raising their child knows what that child truly needs. And what her family needs.
Life is hard enough as a mom, we’ve got to support each other.
Who’s with me?
PS – Here’s a quick reminder…
You are enough.
Way to go, pretty mama!
Have you been mommy-shamed? Or do you have additional advice to share? Let’s hear it!